normal is what you make it.

Each one of us is so entirely and fantastically different, so incredibly unique... intricately woven, created and named unlike any other... a treasure chest brimming with rare and exotic jewels, sparkling gems of every shape and color. So rare in fact that the way we think, the way we act, the way we listen and dream. react and scheme. is what makes me, me and you, you. we are bursting with quirks and looks, mannerisms and characteristics all our own. we are weird. odd. extraordinary. far from normal. what is normal anyway? it there such a thing? who are we to judge and just what classifies anything as normal? i'd say no one is entirely sane. we are far from perfect. no one is without shame. without fault, blemish. bruise or blame. everyone makes mistakes. everyone is full of holes. everyone is or has been broken at some point. rejected. misled. harassed. burdened. we each have a past. a history. regrets. things we wish we could change. set right. erase. rewind and do over. attributes we dream of altering, but without us the way we are, we simply wouldn't be us. if we try to hide, or smother certain things about us... the way we snort after laughing too hard, the way we chew our fingernails when we're nervous, or sing at the top of our lungs to our favorite song... if we take away the very attributes, personality traits, our natural tendencies and impulses we would cease to be us. the way we were meant to be. special. one of a kind. fearfully and wonderfully made. so enjoy who you are, embrace it. love the skin you're in. because let's face it, you really have no choice. accept you for you. don't try to impress. don't put on a show. everyone is as weird if not weirder than you... so take comfort in the fact that we are all slightly crazy and a bit strange. there you'll find the freedom to express yourself. to be yourself. to be your own version of normal. Don't let the world tell you what constitutes as normal. you aren't, nor is anyone else... normal is what you make it.

wherever you feel the wind whispering for you to follow.

and so it begins... you know when everyone around you is advancing. moving up in the world. leaps and bounds ahead and far beyond anything you've done up to this point. progressing at an exceptionally high rate and there is nothing you can do to stop it. dating. marriage. babies. a higher education. and we're only 21! i feel as though i am so far behind and there is no hope of ever catching up. not that i want to be married with children at this point, but my life seems to have less meaning or at least feel as though i have done so little. nothing of importance or significance. my greatest feat has been to travel or to purchase a car. which are both in and of themselves fantastic achievements, but watching everyone get their degrees and find the man of their dreams and gain 40 lbs with a special someone inside, is almost depressing. what am i doing? where am i going? and why does it seem like this place has become more and more alien. not for me. this place being abbotsford. bc. maybe even canada. i feel ill-fitted to a world engulfed. absorbed. entrenched in what seems to be a normality i don't possess, a commonality that i don't share. order. planning. goals. i feel misconstrued. misunderstood. lost. alone. single. uneducated. with no idea as to where i'm headed, when upon first glance everyone seems to have it all figured out. they've all drawn out their map and marked x as the spot, whereas i've never even found my map to begin with. and this isn't a bad thing...

i just wish there was more clarity in the direction i'm to go in. more answers or bright lights. i'm content to be different. and without a plan. i feel there is no way i could be happy following the steps of what everyone else may call normal. i'll create my very own version of normal.

i feel as if my adventure is about to start... and that mine will look quite a bit different than most! for that i'm excited. ecstatic. i feel free as a bird. that there are endless possibilities awaiting. the world is my oyster so to speak. mine for the taking. if i see i can have it. where to go from here? i've not the slightest idea... but maybe that's the fun of it... the secret... therein lies the catch. go wherever your heart takes you... wherever you feel the wind whispering for you to follow... but just GO and God will do the rest...

England. a place of beauty. a place chalk full of history, of romance and cobblestones. of white cliffs and pebble-strewn shores. of brilliant sunsets upon a foaming blue sea. of a fast-paced, colorful, vivacious culture. of blaring british pop amidst musty, low-ceilinged taverns. of old brick structures and ancient stone churches .... a place i have become familiar with. a place i have come to miss the most. each day i stepped out my door i was struck by everything that the English would call ordinary, but that i find fascinating. the history. who lived there and what happened here, what must this place of been like hundreds of years ago... it was as if i stepped into a dream- world. one in which castles existed. in which homes and shops remained untouched, as if they stood there 100 years ago, much the same. if i were to remove the cars, the blaring music, the modern day people rushing past... and in their stead i placed a horse-drawn carriage, with a woman in billowing skirts descending and atop her head the most fashionable feathered hat in all of Brighton... a gentleman caller strolling up the lane, catches her just in time.... since telephones are few and computers unheard of he had no way of knowing her whereabouts... those are the images i see inside my head, that's what i imagine when i walk down the lane. to me it seems that the surroundings are so far from reality. that the culture and the age i live in is no match for the architecture, the monuments and statues, churches and castles that surrounded me. this place that i live in day to day is so unchanged, unmarred... well in England that is, yet we are much altered... advanced, far beyond what the world looked like at one time. i love it. i bask, i revel in these places of old.

with a lingering sense of an end i bid england a bittersweet farewell....

Oriental place, Brighton

(sarah's flat)

a face without a heart.

filthy names come to mind

when your name runs over my lips,

bad to the bone, you wined and dined

of all the girls you went and kissed.

what were you thinking?

my dearest friend a hopeless wreck

the havoc wreaked i can't forget.

heart and soul led astray,

what were you thinking?

nothing left but broken wings.

all the sad songs in the world

could never fix the hurt that sings

forth from a bruised and battered soul.

what were you thinking?

like a thief in the night you stole away,

reckless and driven; unforgiven.

you and your crooked ways,

why weren't you thinking?

mislead and mistreated;

a gut-wrenching, wounded, defeated,

sorrowful, abandoned heart left unheeded.

there's no way you were thinking.

this one's for you mamma.

a mother's love is deep and wide.

unconditional, steadfast, always by your side.

a mother's love is never cold, it never runs dry.

it comforts you, wipe the tears that you cry.

a mother's love is soft and warm.

to shelter your soft heart from the cold, ugly storm.

a mother's love is noble and wise.

knowing when your mouth speaks the truth or when it lies.

a mother's love is pure and sweet.

like warm chocolate chip cookies, a delicious treat.

a mother's love is silent and true.

always holding out for you.

always wanting the best in lieu

of what you find most fascinating, bright and new.

a mother's love waits for you, loves on you, holds you to

what she knows you must do, even if it's not for you.

a mother's love does not burn out, or fade away, does not falter, nor does it stray.

a mother's love does not wither, or attack, nor with courage does it lack or offend.

it strengthens, emboldens, encourages and mends

the heart of a daughter, a mother....a best friend.

i love you mamma.

our words get the better of the best of us.

quick to listen.

be willing to lend an ear. willing to give of your time. your advice. be someone to vent to. someone to cry to. to share sorrows & griefs with. laughter & joys with. be someone who listens without judgment. without taking sides. without criticism. someone who is willing to be silent and in that silence show an infinite wisdom and grace. be someone worthy of trust. be ready and attentive always, always listen.

slow to speak.

hold your tongue. be slow. not in a rush. not with rage. or in anger. not with malice or deceit. or lies. stop. listen. think. let calm. cool. rational words flow from within. use wise words. love words. genuinely soft words. carefully placed, thoughtful words. not racing, raging, ugly, bullet words, shooting forth, filled with venom aimed straight for the heart, spewing with accusations, misconceptions & filth, rubbish, slime, muck...boo! if we use words as weapons and as threats, if our tongue only knows how to formulate lies and spouts only evil when will we ever be trusted. we will hurt. wound. bruise. what friends will be left standing at our side. what will we have in the end. our words hurt. they soothe. encourage. uplift. spur on. challenge. hit hard. blow things out of proportion. shake things up. excite. thrill. attack. puncture. break down the walls we build up so high. ALWAYS...speak in love. with love. and through love. be slow to speak.

slow to become angry.

don't be hasty. don't attack. step back. count to ten. start again. anger is not the answer. it's only an act, a show, a front we put on. out of selfishness we become irrational. our pride has been hurt, wounded. we are a prideful people who, if made to look bad, lash out. at the first sign of embarrassment, if we don't get our way. if we're labeled a fool. proved wrong. owned. burned. schooled. spurned. mistaken. we get angry. filled with rage we strike. our words being the fastest way to level the playing field. our tempers get the better of the best of us. but it doesn't solve anything. our resentment only fuels the fire. our outrage only burns brighter. our consequences only serve to punish us further. we stew and stew over nothing. if we didn't take our pride so seriously. if we learned to laugh at our mistakes. be humbled by our embarrassment. be accepting if proven wrong. be alright with coming in last place. someone has to. people will notice how you handle bad news. how you deal with messy, confusing, unstable situations. anger solves nothing. be someone who is slow to become angry.

all you need is love.

i wrote this a year ago and every time i read it i feel inspired. i love it. no pun intended. i rewrote some of it. but most of it remains untouched...

Love. a loaded word, a word compact, filled, brimming with emotion, overflowing with something unfathomable. the one thing we all are after. we crave it. we die for it. we spend a lifetime looking for it. we dream about it. sing about it. give it freely. nurture it. we melt in it. fall for it. get caught up in it...it is so intertwined, wrapped up in who and what we are. it's ingrained in us. it confounds all notion of worldly thinking. we can do naught but revel in it. we risk everything for it. we win it & lose it. we are reckless with it & hopeless without it. It fills us with life. it makes us do things we would never dream of. it sweeps us off our feet. it dares us to be bold. it changes us. transforms us. floods our minds with hopes & dreams. it comforts us. it fulfills us. we laugh about it. jump for it. run to it. we are utterly and hopelessly consumed by it...it is a steady constant in a world of so much dark. it is pure & beautiful. it can be blind. but true love never fails. never dies. never wanes...nor fades. it is steadfast. brightly shining for all to see. it is what we get up for in the morning. it is what we hold on to, cling to. what we believe will last forever... "and the greatest of these is love."

i love love.

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