Thursday, December 9, 2010
Have you ever been uncertain about something. and then that uncertainty led to doubt. and that doubt led to you being consumed by constant worry and then you end up analyzing the whole twisted, messed up situation, which you've really only made up in your head... why do we make life so complicated for ourselves sometimes? i just wish doubt wasn't so pressing. have you ever because of your uncertainty gone through your day or your week looking at everyone and everything and pointing out, grasping, holding onto that which you know to be certain. constant. unmoving. unbending. unchanging. things you know without a doubt. without cause for concern. or questioning. but as clear as clear can be. things and feelings that are so potent and powerful and true and right that you can't help but know and feel to the depths of your soul that they are how you truly feel and will always feel. the certainty that i love God. i love my mom. or my insanely cool car. or the fantastic pair of sneakers i just bought. or that great dress i have hanging on my closet just waiting to be worn. or the little girl in daycare who makes me fly around like a butterfly with her every morning. those are things i know i love. i know they make me happy. i know they are moments. and people and objects in my life that i am perfectly content with. how come life can't be that simple. as simple as knowing you love chocolate. or old movies. or reading a good book. or riding a bike down a terrifyingly fast hill. or jumping off a cliff into a lake of refreshing blue... how come life isn't as simple as those moments you find yourself so sure of. those tangible. graspable. real moments. but life cannot be black and white. it can't always be left or right. sometimes it's gray and confusing. sometimes we take the wrong turn. or path. and have to try again. start over. sometimes we have to leap before we know. trust before we jump. life is full of unexpected. unanticipated surprises. and sometimes we just have to take a chance. let the current take us where it will and end up in places we never even imagined. life can't be easy or jam-packed with all the answers. or flashing neon signs. life is full of choices. having faith. trusting that God knows what he's doing. letting him lead. life isn't easy. it's not meant to be. life is uncertain. not everything is for sure. that's why i find myself holding onto what's certain. knowing what it is i believe to be true. figuring out what i do love. like. desire. adore. and then tackling the unknown.