Thursday, December 9, 2010
Have you ever been uncertain about something. and then that uncertainty led to doubt. and that doubt led to you being consumed by constant worry and then you end up analyzing the whole twisted, messed up situation, which you've really only made up in your head... why do we make life so complicated for ourselves sometimes? i just wish doubt wasn't so pressing. have you ever because of your uncertainty gone through your day or your week looking at everyone and everything and pointing out, grasping, holding onto that which you know to be certain. constant. unmoving. unbending. unchanging. things you know without a doubt. without cause for concern. or questioning. but as clear as clear can be. things and feelings that are so potent and powerful and true and right that you can't help but know and feel to the depths of your soul that they are how you truly feel and will always feel. the certainty that i love God. i love my mom. or my insanely cool car. or the fantastic pair of sneakers i just bought. or that great dress i have hanging on my closet just waiting to be worn. or the little girl in daycare who makes me fly around like a butterfly with her every morning. those are things i know i love. i know they make me happy. i know they are moments. and people and objects in my life that i am perfectly content with. how come life can't be that simple. as simple as knowing you love chocolate. or old movies. or reading a good book. or riding a bike down a terrifyingly fast hill. or jumping off a cliff into a lake of refreshing blue... how come life isn't as simple as those moments you find yourself so sure of. those tangible. graspable. real moments. but life cannot be black and white. it can't always be left or right. sometimes it's gray and confusing. sometimes we take the wrong turn. or path. and have to try again. start over. sometimes we have to leap before we know. trust before we jump. life is full of unexpected. unanticipated surprises. and sometimes we just have to take a chance. let the current take us where it will and end up in places we never even imagined. life can't be easy or jam-packed with all the answers. or flashing neon signs. life is full of choices. having faith. trusting that God knows what he's doing. letting him lead. life isn't easy. it's not meant to be. life is uncertain. not everything is for sure. that's why i find myself holding onto what's certain. knowing what it is i believe to be true. figuring out what i do love. like. desire. adore. and then tackling the unknown.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
i believe in love.
i believe that when you fall you get back up again.
i believe in second chances.
i believe in magical nights.
i believe that the best things in life are free.
i believe that eyes are a window to soul.
i believe that less is more.
i believe in never giving up.
i believe in pursuing your passions.
i believe in lost hopes.
i believe that crying is sometimes necessary.
i believe laughter is the best medicine.
i believe in true friends.
i believe that anger ruins the soul.
i believe that singing at the top of our lungs is a must.
i believe in running away from temptation.
i believe in blue skies.
i believe that rainbows are a promise.
i believe in someone loving you even if you don't deserve it.
i believe in good night sleeps.
i believe in nightmares.
i believe in kisses.
i believe in super high under ducks.
i believe that children teach us far more than we teach them.
i believe in shooting stars.
i believe in a good romance novel.
i believe in peppermint tea.
i believe in the depths of despair. i've been there.
i believe in new beginnings.
i believe in heaven.
i believe that we are all lost souls searching for something greater than ourselves....
i believe that tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it.
i believe in walking in each others shoes.
i believe in angels.
i believe in words. lots and lots of words.
i believe that some pictures speak much more than anyone could ever say.
i believe in ghosts.
i believe that inner beauty trumps outer beauty, yet our world promotes the opposite.
i believe in miracles.
i believe that dreams do come true.
i believe in staying up late.
i believe that life is an adventure.
i believe that smiling makes all the difference.
i believe in warm sunshiny days.
i believe in believing. hoping for only the best.
i believe that with God anything is possible.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
it's the first of september and all i can think about is how the sweet summer is slowly slipping through my fingers and all i can do is watch it vanish. leaves begin to fall. a crisp breeze begins to blow and soon all that's left are tiny remnants of what used to be. sandals are traded in for boots. shorts are tossed aside for jeans. sunglasses are retired. it's as if a part of me is buried away in the back of the closet. as if a piece of me is forced to hibernate for the winter. the longing to rewind back to a time of hot weather and bathing suits, watermelon and barbecues, windows down with the wind flying across my face, roadtrips and skies full of stars, only increases. summer. my favorite season. fading. i adore fall, but saying farewell to the season of warmth and sunlight just makes me melancholy. some people might live for school. or fashion. their dog or bucket-loads of food. snowboarding or softball... but me... i live for summer. for a chance to bask in the hot sunshine i would swim oceans. basically i would do the unthinkable. who doesn't love summer? being sun-kissed. barefoot. out amongst nature. flushed and glowing 24/7... summer - the essence of earthy, wild and pure, unadulterated contentment. let's do it all over again. or better yet, have summer all year round! i'd be more than thrilled in a world like that... but alas, bc boasts it's four seasons and abundant rainfall. so i guess i'll keep my fingers crossed for a beautiful september... after all fall doesn't commence until the 23rd! folks we have 22 more days.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Each one of us is so entirely and fantastically different, so incredibly unique... intricately woven, created and named unlike any other... a treasure chest brimming with rare and exotic jewels, sparkling gems of every shape and color. So rare in fact that the way we think, the way we act, the way we listen and dream. react and scheme. is what makes me, me and you, you. we are bursting with quirks and looks, mannerisms and characteristics all our own. we are weird. odd. extraordinary. far from normal. what is normal anyway? it there such a thing? who are we to judge and just what classifies anything as normal? i'd say no one is entirely sane. we are far from perfect. no one is without shame. without fault, blemish. bruise or blame. everyone makes mistakes. everyone is full of holes. everyone is or has been broken at some point. rejected. misled. harassed. burdened. we each have a past. a history. regrets. things we wish we could change. set right. erase. rewind and do over. attributes we dream of altering, but without us the way we are, we simply wouldn't be us. if we try to hide, or smother certain things about us... the way we snort after laughing too hard, the way we chew our fingernails when we're nervous, or sing at the top of our lungs to our favorite song... if we take away the very attributes, personality traits, our natural tendencies and impulses we would cease to be us. the way we were meant to be. special. one of a kind. fearfully and wonderfully made. so enjoy who you are, embrace it. love the skin you're in. because let's face it, you really have no choice. accept you for you. don't try to impress. don't put on a show. everyone is as weird if not weirder than you... so take comfort in the fact that we are all slightly crazy and a bit strange. there you'll find the freedom to express yourself. to be yourself. to be your own version of normal. Don't let the world tell you what constitutes as normal. you aren't, nor is anyone else... normal is what you make it.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
and so it begins... you know when everyone around you is advancing. moving up in the world. leaps and bounds ahead and far beyond anything you've done up to this point. progressing at an exceptionally high rate and there is nothing you can do to stop it. dating. marriage. babies. a higher education. and we're only 21! i feel as though i am so far behind and there is no hope of ever catching up. not that i want to be married with children at this point, but my life seems to have less meaning or at least feel as though i have done so little. nothing of importance or significance. my greatest feat has been to travel or to purchase a car. which are both in and of themselves fantastic achievements, but watching everyone get their degrees and find the man of their dreams and gain 40 lbs with a special someone inside, is almost depressing. what am i doing? where am i going? and why does it seem like this place has become more and more alien. not for me. this place being abbotsford. bc. maybe even canada. i feel ill-fitted to a world engulfed. absorbed. entrenched in what seems to be a normality i don't possess, a commonality that i don't share. order. planning. goals. i feel misconstrued. misunderstood. lost. alone. single. uneducated. with no idea as to where i'm headed, when upon first glance everyone seems to have it all figured out. they've all drawn out their map and marked x as the spot, whereas i've never even found my map to begin with. and this isn't a bad thing...
Sunday, June 27, 2010
England. a place of beauty. a place chalk full of history, of romance and cobblestones. of white cliffs and pebble-strewn shores. of brilliant sunsets upon a foaming blue sea. of a fast-paced, colorful, vivacious culture. of blaring british pop amidst musty, low-ceilinged taverns. of old brick structures and ancient stone churches .... a place i have become familiar with. a place i have come to miss the most. each day i stepped out my door i was struck by everything that the English would call ordinary, but that i find fascinating. the history. who lived there and what happened here, what must this place of been like hundreds of years ago... it was as if i stepped into a dream- world. one in which castles existed. in which homes and shops remained untouched, as if they stood there 100 years ago, much the same. if i were to remove the cars, the blaring music, the modern day people rushing past... and in their stead i placed a horse-drawn carriage, with a woman in billowing skirts descending and atop her head the most fashionable feathered hat in all of Brighton... a gentleman caller strolling up the lane, catches her just in time.... since telephones are few and computers unheard of he had no way of knowing her whereabouts... those are the images i see inside my head, that's what i imagine when i walk down the lane. to me it seems that the surroundings are so far from reality. that the culture and the age i live in is no match for the architecture, the monuments and statues, churches and castles that surrounded me. this place that i live in day to day is so unchanged, unmarred... well in England that is, yet we are much altered... advanced, far beyond what the world looked like at one time. i love it. i bask, i revel in these places of old.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
a mother's love is deep and wide.
unconditional, steadfast, always by your side.
a mother's love is never cold, it never runs dry.
it comforts you, wipe the tears that you cry.
a mother's love is soft and warm.
to shelter your soft heart from the cold, ugly storm.
a mother's love is noble and wise.
knowing when your mouth speaks the truth or when it lies.
a mother's love is pure and sweet.
like warm chocolate chip cookies, a delicious treat.
a mother's love is silent and true.
always holding out for you.
always wanting the best in lieu
of what you find most fascinating, bright and new.
a mother's love waits for you, loves on you, holds you to
what she knows you must do, even if it's not for you.
a mother's love does not burn out, or fade away, does not falter, nor does it stray.
a mother's love does not wither, or attack, nor with courage does it lack or offend.
it strengthens, emboldens, encourages and mends
the heart of a daughter, a mother....a best friend.
i love you mamma.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
quick to listen.
be willing to lend an ear. willing to give of your time. your advice. be someone to vent to. someone to cry to. to share sorrows & griefs with. laughter & joys with. be someone who listens without judgment. without taking sides. without criticism. someone who is willing to be silent and in that silence show an infinite wisdom and grace. be someone worthy of trust. be ready and attentive always, always listen.
slow to speak.
hold your tongue. be slow. not in a rush. not with rage. or in anger. not with malice or deceit. or lies. stop. listen. think. let calm. cool. rational words flow from within. use wise words. love words. genuinely soft words. carefully placed, thoughtful words. not racing, raging, ugly, bullet words, shooting forth, filled with venom aimed straight for the heart, spewing with accusations, misconceptions & filth, rubbish, slime, muck...boo! if we use words as weapons and as threats, if our tongue only knows how to formulate lies and spouts only evil when will we ever be trusted. we will hurt. wound. bruise. what friends will be left standing at our side. what will we have in the end. our words hurt. they soothe. encourage. uplift. spur on. challenge. hit hard. blow things out of proportion. shake things up. excite. thrill. attack. puncture. break down the walls we build up so high. ALWAYS...speak in love. with love. and through love. be slow to speak.
slow to become angry.
don't be hasty. don't attack. step back. count to ten. start again. anger is not the answer. it's only an act, a show, a front we put on. out of selfishness we become irrational. our pride has been hurt, wounded. we are a prideful people who, if made to look bad, lash out. at the first sign of embarrassment, if we don't get our way. if we're labeled a fool. proved wrong. owned. burned. schooled. spurned. mistaken. we get angry. filled with rage we strike. our words being the fastest way to level the playing field. our tempers get the better of the best of us. but it doesn't solve anything. our resentment only fuels the fire. our outrage only burns brighter. our consequences only serve to punish us further. we stew and stew over nothing. if we didn't take our pride so seriously. if we learned to laugh at our mistakes. be humbled by our embarrassment. be accepting if proven wrong. be alright with coming in last place. someone has to. people will notice how you handle bad news. how you deal with messy, confusing, unstable situations. anger solves nothing. be someone who is slow to become angry.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
i wrote this a year ago and every time i read it i feel inspired. i love it. no pun intended. i rewrote some of it. but most of it remains untouched...